


even when she’s next to me we could not be more far apart

by Trashy_fan



Series: TTP shots babey [6]
Category: The Two Princes (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Feelings Realization, How Do I Tag, Love, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Pining Cecily (Two Princes Podcast), Possibly Unrequited Love, of sorts, she just doesn’t know ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:42:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29898540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trashy_fan/pseuds/Trashy_fan
Summary: Cecily has feelings for Joan that she can’t seem to get rid of. Not that she wants to.Title from ‘she’ by dodie
Relationships: Cecily/Joan (Two Princes Podcast)
Series: TTP shots babey [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1850038
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	even when she’s next to me we could not be more far apart

**Author's Note:**

> I miss them too much for my own good, so here’s a fic that’s been in my notes way too long

The feelings Cecily felt for Joan were... complicated. It hasn’t taken her long to come to terms with the fact that she was bisexual, but coming to terms with the fact that she liked Joan, you know, strong, body guard Joan. Sweet, kind, would risk her life for her kingdom Joan. That Joan. The one that would never like her back. That was harder.

Cecily was used to catching feelings for people. Her aunt used to say her big heart would be the end of her, but Cecily fully believed it was her greatest strength (besides being able to fight in 7 inch heels) because it made it so easy to care. But so _so_ easy to fall. She’d caught feelings for Rupert without having met him, she’d caught feelings for that one guy that used to take her on small walks around the kingdom (she still wasn’t entirely sure if they were dates or not), she’d fallen for the girl that ran the bakery and knew her order by heart, and now she’d fallen for Joan. She used to be unable to figure out her type, she wasn’t convinced she had one. But, by now, she’s pretty sure she’s figured it out. 

People who could never like her back.

So, Cecily was used to watching from afar. Stealing glances when the other wasn’t looking. Brushing her hand against theirs in a ‘totally platonic’ way whenever she could. Sitting as close to them as possible. She could do it all and never get caught.

Joan was no different. Until she was.

The trip to the East to find Amir’s mother and warn her of everything happening in the Heartland was painful and awkward, for Cecily at least. It just reminded her that no matter how close they were, or how far the travelled, they would never be together. Nothing could change that.

“Hey, you okay?” Joan had asked her one night, as they sat around a fire. It was further than she’d originally thought to get to the kingdom, and they’d decided to rest for the night. “You seem distracted.”

Cecily had smiled, though it felt a bit shaky. “Oh, I’m fine. Just a little tired.”

Joan nodded, obviously satisfied with the answer. “Well, I’ll take first watch and you get some rest. I’ll wake you to take over.”

Cecily nodded and laid down on, but it was hard to sleep with Joan right there. She closed her eyes though, at least trying to sleep. There was some shuffling nearby, and she could hear Joan getting comfortable. It’s cold out, and all Cecily wanted to do is wrap her arms around Joan, relishing in the heat of her body and the comfort of her presence. Cecily ignored the fantasy, squeezing her eyes shut. She couldn’t have that, no matter how much she wished she could. Joan could never like her, not like that.

* * *

  
Some nights it really did seem like Joan may like her back. Sometimes, when Joan had the night off from her duties, they would hang out together, usually in the comfort of one of their homes. Listening to Joan’s laugh, seeing the fire in her eyes that always seemed so bright, watching Joan smile, it only made Cecily fall even more.

And, sometimes, those smiles were directed at her. When they were, they weren’t wide, or full of teeth. No, they were soft, adoring, ones that had never been directed at anyone else, as far as Cecily had seen (and, yes, she had been looking). It was only ever her. It made her wonder what exactly she was to Joan. An ally? A friend? Something more? Maybe Joan also felt something, something that drew her in, though she would never tell. 

But, then again, why would she? It didn’t matter how close they got, at the end of the day, maybe she wasn’t worthy of Joan’s affections. Doubts would rush to her mind, filling her with fears and worries she never usually felt. Why was Joan so different?

But, just as she brought them about, Joan managed to chase them away, usually with a reassuring smile, or a distracting joke. Cecily found it hard to believe anyone could have such a great affect on her. But, if it were to be anyone, it would be Joan.

One night, as they sat around the fireplace at Joan’s house, Cecily leaned into Joan, resting her head on Joan’s shoulder. There was something so idyllic, so domestic, about what they were doing now. No words were being exchanged, but they didn’t need them. These were the moments that hurt Cecily the most, leaving a weird, warm, aching feeling in her chest, just where her heart was. Yet, it felt oddly nice. For now, this was fine.

It had to be.


End file.
